He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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