I am in a vortex of obligation.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
