Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
