So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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