So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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