Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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