Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
