im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
