I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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