im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
