Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
