dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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