so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
