Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
