So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
