Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
