This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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