you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
