I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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