I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
