If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
