They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
