Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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