why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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