I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
