In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
