Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just pee around me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
