youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
