Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
