Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My bed smells like the plague
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
