I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
