I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
