Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
