Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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