Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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