whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
