Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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