im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
