i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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