i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
