I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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