we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
