A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
