conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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