Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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