whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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