Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
