I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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