So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
