so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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