yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
