We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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